Funeral Planning
How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide With Examples
Writing an obituary is one of the hardest things you'll do after losing someone. Here's exactly what to include, what to skip, and how to make it feel like them.
What is an obituary, exactly?
An obituary is a written announcement of someone's death that also tells the story of their life. It serves two purposes: it informs the community that someone has passed, and it gives people a snapshot of who that person was — not just the facts, but the things that made them memorable.
Obituaries get published in newspapers, on funeral home websites, and on memorial platforms like Legacy.com. Some families write a short death notice for the newspaper and a longer tribute online. Others write one version that works for both.
There's no required format. Some obituaries are a single paragraph. Others are several pages. The right length depends on who you're writing for and where you plan to publish it.
What to include in an obituary
Every obituary is different, but most follow a similar structure. Start with the full legal name — first, middle, last, including maiden name if applicable and nicknames in quotes. Include the person's age at the time of passing, their city and state of residence (never the home address — published obituaries can alert burglars), and the date of death. Cause of death is entirely optional.
Then move to the life story: where they were born and grew up, their education and career highlights, and the things they loved — hobbies, passions, the stuff they talked about at dinner. This is where the obituary stops being a form and starts being a person.
End with surviving family members (typically spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings), those who predeceased them, funeral or memorial service details, and any donation requests in lieu of flowers.
How to write an obituary: step by step
Don't try to write the perfect obituary in one sitting. Start with the facts, then add the personality. Here's a practical breakdown of the process.
Gather the facts
Before you write a word, collect the basics: full legal name, date and place of birth, date of death, education, career, military service, marriage dates. Get these from family members, not just memory. Pull out old photos while you're at it — they'll help you remember details and you'll need one for the obituary.
Collect stories from people who knew them
Call siblings, old friends, coworkers. Ask: what's your favorite memory? What would you want people to know about them? What made them laugh? You'll get material you never would have thought of on your own.
Write the announcement
The first sentence states who died, when, and where. You can go traditional ("John Michael Anderson, 74, of Portland, Oregon, passed away peacefully on March 15, 2026") or modern ("John Anderson died on March 15, 2026, at home in Portland. He was 74."). Pick the tone that fits.
Tell their story
This is the heart. Where were they born? What did they do? What defined them? Don't write a résumé — write about the things that made people want to be around them. Include anecdotes, favorite sayings, the hobby nobody expected.
Add family, service details, and donations
List survivors and predeceased family members. Add service logistics and donation requests. Double-check every name and date. Then check again.
Edit, read aloud, and publish
Cut anything generic. Tighten the language. Read it aloud — if it doesn't sound like them, rewrite until it does. Have at least one other family member review before submitting.
Obituary examples by length
The best way to understand obituary structure is to see it in action. Here are two real-format examples at different lengths — a short newspaper notice and a fuller tribute — so you can see how the same framework scales.
Short obituary (~80 words)
"Margaret Ellen Torres, 81, of Austin, Texas, died on April 3, 2026. Born in San Antonio to Luis and Carmen Reyes, Margaret worked as a public school teacher for 35 years. She loved gardening, crossword puzzles, and her church choir. She is survived by her husband, Daniel; her children, Sofia and Marco; and four grandchildren. A funeral mass will be held April 8 at St. Mary's Cathedral. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Austin Public Schools Foundation."
Medium obituary (~200 words)
"Robert James 'Bobby' Chen, 67, of Chicago, Illinois, passed away on February 12, 2026, after a courageous battle with pancreatic cancer.
Born in Taipei, Taiwan, Bobby immigrated to the United States in 1978 with $200 and a degree in electrical engineering. He built a 30-year career at Motorola, but his real passion was cooking. His kitchen was always open, his dumplings were legendary, and nobody left his house hungry.
Bobby coached Little League for 12 years, served as a deacon at Grace Community Church, and never missed a Cubs game — even the bad ones, which he said 'built character.'
He is survived by his wife, Linda; his sons, Michael (Jessica) and Andrew (Kate); his grandchildren, Ethan, Sophia, and Lucas; and his sister, Mei-Ling Chen of Taipei. He was preceded in death by his parents, Wei and Shu-Fen Chen.
A memorial service will be held on February 18 at 11:00 AM at Grace Community Church, 1234 Oak Street, Chicago. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network or simply make someone a meal."
How much does an obituary cost?
This depends entirely on where you publish. Newspaper obituaries are charged per line — typically $5 to $15 per line for local papers, with photos adding $50 to $250. Major metro papers like the New York Times or LA Times can cost $500 to $2,000 or more.
Many families save money by placing a short death notice in the newspaper (just the basics — name, age, service details) and publishing the full obituary online for free. The community gets informed, and the tribute lives somewhere it can be shared, updated, and revisited.
| Format | Typical cost | Length | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Local newspaper | $100–$500 | 200–400 words | Charged per line. Photos add $50–$250 |
| Major metro paper | $500–$2,000+ | 200–400 words | Papers like the NYT charge $50+/line |
| Funeral home website | Free–$50 | Unlimited | Usually included with funeral services |
| Online memorial site | Free–$100 | Unlimited | Legacy.com, EverLoved, similar platforms |
| Social media | Free | Unlimited | Facebook, CaringBridge, personal websites |
Common mistakes to avoid
The most common mistake is writing the obituary like a résumé. Nobody reads an obituary to learn someone's job history — lead with personality. "He was a retired accountant" tells you nothing. "He spent 30 years making sure other people's numbers added up, then spent retirement making sure his grandchildren's cookie jars never ran empty" tells you everything.
Other mistakes that cause real problems: including the home address (a documented security risk — city and state are enough), forgetting a family member in the survivors list (missing a grandchild or sibling causes genuine hurt), and waiting too long to submit. Newspapers typically need 2 to 3 days of lead time. If the service is Saturday, submit by Wednesday.
One more: never include the mother's maiden name or other sensitive information. Identity theft from obituaries is real and well-documented. And always proofread — read it aloud, twice. Have someone else read it too. Spelling someone's name wrong in a permanent tribute is a mistake you can't undo.
“I wrote my father's obituary and it took me three days. Then I created his persona on Pantio and realized — the obituary describes him, but the persona is him. My kids can hear his voice telling bedtime stories. That's something no written tribute can do.”
Tips for writing a better obituary
Be specific — details make it real. Not "she loved music" but "she played Joni Mitchell every Sunday morning while making pancakes." The difference between a forgettable obituary and one that makes people cry at the breakfast table is specificity.
It's okay to be funny. If they were funny in life, let the obituary reflect that. Some of the most beloved obituaries ever published include humor. And use their voice — would they have said "passed away peacefully" or "finally stopped arguing with his doctor"? Match the tone to the person.
Start writing before you need to. If you know the time is coming, start collecting stories, dates, and details now. It's much harder to remember under stress. Ask siblings, friends, and colleagues to contribute — they remember different things. A group effort makes a richer obituary.
And save everything. The notes, drafts, and stories you collect while writing the obituary are worth keeping. They're memories too.